


higher hopes

by WattStalf



Series: soulmates [9]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-09 01:32:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8870578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: Kasane assumes that she will never have a soul mate.





	

**Author's Note:**

> honestly kasane deserved better

Kasane Kujiragi wants a soul mate, but she does not have high hopes.

She does not have high hopes because she knows that she is not entirely human, and she knows that it is foolish to hope for that sort of happiness in her life. However, despite all of that, she has always had desires that she cannot completely suppress, and to have a soul mate and to find this person, and to be able to have them in her life and have them care about her, is her greatest desire of all.

More than anything, she wants somebody to love her, and she wants somebody that she can love in return, but she does not dare to hope for it. Not even as she reaches the age where a name might appear on her wrist, and she ages beyond that point, and there is nothing. She gets older and she reaches adulthood, and there is nothing; she grows and she changes and she exceeds the point where a name should have appeared, and there is nothing.

Kasane can't say that she is surprised, but a part of her is still disappointed. She really did want a soul mate, after all.

~X~

When Ruri Hijiribe begins a relationship with Yuhei Hanejima, rumors begin to spread that they are soul mates, and those rumors are quickly confirmed. Of course, the idol is still no more willing to let people see her wrist than she was before, but he lets his be seen, so that everyone can see that the two of them are soul mates.

Kasane is, of course, jealous of this, just as she has become jealous of most of Ruri's life. She is jealous that Ruri, removed from her by only one generation, is somehow human enough to have a soul mate, when she is not, and, on a more superficial level, she is jealous that Ruri's soul mate is a popular and attractive actor. All her life, she has been trapped, and even knowing how futile escape was, she had allowed herself to dream of a life beyond that.

If she could have any soul mate in the world, she doesn't think that Yuhei would be too bad of a pick, even if he's a little young for her. Perhaps in a better life, where she lived out her dreams and Ruri did not exist, there would not be an age gap between them in the first place. She doesn't necessarily have a crush on him, but she can't help but imagine what could have been, once the news is released.

But reality is still reality, and she is still alone, and no amount of daydreaming is going to change that. She knows this, and knows that she needs to focus on her work, like always.

~X~

There is someone who catches her attention while working on a job, someone that she is supposed to simply use at bait, but someone that catches her personal interest instead. The man who lives with Celty Sturluson, the man who claims to be in love with her and who claims to have pushed his soul mate to the side in favor of being with her. Because Kasane knows who his soul mate is supposed to be, she is able to confirm this information, and her interest is piqued and a new sort of jealousy surges up within her.

Celty is less human than she is; she knows this, and she knows that the monster certainly doesn't have a soul mate of her own. She is not meant to be with a human like that, and yet Shinra Kishitani claims to love her, and would go so far as to forsake his own soul mate for her sake. To think that there is someone out there, willing to give up that much, and all for the love of a monster...her heart swells with an excitement she's never known before, and she wonders.

She wonders if such a man could find it in his heart to love her instead, and if he would be just as willing to forsake his soul mate for her, rather than Celty. No matter what, she has to get Celty out of the way, but, when he's alone in the end, will she be able to win him over? Will she be the one there, to heal his broken heart and teach him to love and to defy his destiny again? She should know better than to get her hopes up, but still, she wants to believe that this man could love her as well.

Despite not knowing him at all, she feels herself beginning to fall for the mere idea of him, and she knows that she is going to pursue him. She has to, because this is her first, and likely her only, chance at finding the love she's longed for her entire life.

~X~

And yet, no matter how hard she tries and no matter how she fights for him, Shinra still overcomes and turns her down. It is her first love confession and her first rejection all in one, and it still stings more than she ever could have imagined. He smiles all the while, explaining to her how it has to be, how his love for Celty can't be overcome and how it feels for him. Then he tries to tell her what she has to do, and how she can search for a happiness of her own.

It is cruel, really, the way he can reject her like this and still fill her heart with the affection she wishes to receive in return. She hurts, in a way she isn't used to, as she realizes that her last chance has failed her. No matter what he says, she sincerely doubts that she will be able to find another person in the world who might be willing to love a monster like her, to give up on their soul mate for a woman who does not have one.

The best she can hope for is to find someone that she can love, even if it remains forever unrequited, just as Shinra advised her, but she will never stop wishing for someone to care about her in return. She is, after all, so terribly lonely.

~X~

Time passes and life goes on, and Kasane moves forward, trying to forget about the times she's gotten her hopes up. Her love for the ma she thought could love her fades, eventually; perhaps easily, because he failed to live up to the idea of him that she fell in love with. Whatever the case, she knows that she should begin her search for someone else to love, but she isn't sure if she can bring herself to do that.

Her loneliness hurts, but it's all she knows, and she's afraid that it will only grow worse if she has to suffer rejection again. All she ever wanted was for somebody to care about her, after all, but it seems that even that dream will never be realized. Even someone like Ruri is able to have a soul mate, and yet she is somehow not human enough.

Until...

Until she wakes up one day and has to do a double take. Until she finds a name, long after she had given up hope, and long after she had decided that she simply wasn't human enough to be given a name. Kasane realizes in that moment that, though she was later than average, she was human enough all along.

This is her first step toward finding her new self, and the first step toward finding somebody that can love her and that she can love in return. Her happiness is so great that it nearly consumes her whole, but she manages to remain level-headed as she begins her search.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't think of any canon characters to make her soul mate, since I'm running pretty low on them, so I left it vague, and it's probably just somebody we don't know. anyway, yeah, she was just really late, kinda like Nasujima had been in that story.


End file.
